The Tortoise and The Bear!

Follow us on our mostly frustrating adventures

You know, fuck Comcast. February 15, 2011

Also, fuck the cadaver they rode in on. I’ll apologize in advance, I am normally prone to less-than-flowery language, but the combination of not having Internet and composing a post from my auto-incorrect happy phone is grating on me. That’s why we have low-traffic blogs to vent!

Anyway, last week, I signed up for cable Internet through Comcast, to replace our total failure of something approaching “Internet” we previously had through AT&T. It was installed on Monday, and by Saturday had broken. Scheduled a service call for Monday.

Guy calls Monday to let us know he’s on his way; Penny and I are not home, but Cash is! No go, the accountholder (me) has to be there. Funny, I say, because I wasn’t there when if was installed. I later find out that he is just blowing placenta out his ass, or whatever the idiom is. I called today, to have it rescheduled for after 3:30, when I’ll be home.

They came hours early, when I wasn’t home, and without calling me. Luckily, Penny was home and they fixed it. For about 6 hours. Called, again, tonight and the lady said someone would be at my house Thursday between 2 and 5. I very firmly reminded her that I have now had as much downtime as I’ve had uptime, and that someone was just here, and they would be at my house tomorrow. And not between 2 and 3:30. She agreed.

We’ll see what happens tomorrow when they show up. And who knows, all two of y’all who read this might even get a REAL blog post out of me tomorrow when I have an actual physical keyboard under my beautiful nails. I still have to tell both of you about my Valentine’s adventure.

Sent from my frustrating iPhone


Edit/Update: So, the person who was supposed to come to my house today didn’t. More accurately, he was sitting in my parking lot when I got home from work, but didn’t know anything about my service call. Then he went to my neighbor’s house and left.

So, missed the 2-5 slot without a whisper, and I call Comcast back; the man tells me that the call is marked “completed”, and that he would have someone out within an hour. About 30 minutes, a woman calls (from a blocked number(?!)) saying that I requested a followup call. After relaying my story to her, she told me the case had been marked completed, and that was that. She told me that there was no chance of getting a technician out tonight; they had all gone home, and that there was nothing she could do. I asked her why she bothered calling me, she said because I requested it, and we parted ways.

SO, I of course call Comcast back. The man I spoke with this time was very good, and I didn’t have to resort to my cynical voice. You see, I always start out customer service interactions with a very pleasant, calm tone, and only change it if necessary. This man dug up the details, that there WAS someone at my house at some point (who didn’t call me, or interact with me in any way), and that the second service call had been canceled because the first technician determined there was a problem with the line and there wasn’t anything to be done until tomorrow (again, without a phone call). This meant that I spent several unproductive hours at home waiting for either a phone call from a technician or one to show up at my house. And ended the day without Internet.


But a bittersweet ending, I suppose. After a more full half-hour on the phone, he said there’d be someone out to check the line tomorrow, and ┬ásince they managed to fuck up not one, but two service calls today, he’d credit my account $20. And since I haven’t had working Internet in close to a week at this point, that he’d credit my first month’s service as well. I mean, it’s totally worth it for having spent (literally) hours on the phone with customer service at this point, right?


If you look down, you’ll see that my good buddy Mark is offering his services to me, rudimentary Internet research indicates that this is somehow for real, and Comcast has a team of social-media-scouring customer retention agents at their disposal. I wish Mark the best, and I do plan on sending him an email, but I don’t know what Comcast can do to fix this, other than laugh at me because I took off work early today to meet the technician, and then wasted an entire evening.


Our insane neighbors, Pt. 2 February 4, 2011

Look down two posts and read about our insane downstairs neighbors.

The DAY after she called us faggots, our pipes froze and flooded their house. If I believed in karma, I might blame this on that…

I confronted our neighbor about calling us faggots and she OF CORSE denied it. I mean, really, I don’t care if you call me a faggot. Well, that is kind of a lie, BUT AT LEAST BE ABLE TO CALL ME A FAGGOT TO MY FACE. Don’t do it when I am playing DDR, or walking down the street, or do it by yelling at my house. Stop me, look me in the face and call me a fag. What, are you worried that I am going to hit you? Please? Worst thing I will do is cut myself and spray you with my filthy faggot blood.

We talked to our landlords about the dogs, our new roomate and our neighbors and they are so fucking amazing. They thought it would be a good idea to print off Tom of Finland posters and hang them on our porch. Go ahead and google Tom of Finland, I will wait here for you to return.




Would that not be amazing? Anyway, long story short, don’t fuck with us ever and our landlords are absolultly amazing.

It’s snowing right now, I wish I was dead. This is all.


More insane neighbors! February 1, 2011

Why can’t we have non-insane neighbors?
We had this couple move in below us and we have been really nice to them. Sometimes we chat and I was pretty sure we had an okay relationship with them. If nothing else we never called the cops on them, when they fight and wake me up at 2 in the morning (which happened a couple times a week, when I lived in my room).

But apparently they yelled at Fritz, Cashs dog and Fritz growled at her and then ran upstairs to Cash. She said she was going to shoot Fritz, which she would clearly never do, but still that is an insane thing to say. Apparently last night when Cash was in his room, she yelled up to our house “I don’t know who the fuck they think they are, what I do know is they are a bunch of fags” … “faggity, faggy fags, they are not gunna have a dog much longer”.

Now, I have not seen the neighbors yet, after this, but I am REALLY EXCITED to. We talked to the landlords today and they are fine with Cash and the dog living with us. I told them we might have to get on their front porch and really show them what a faggot looks like. They seemed to think that would be a good idea.

So we might be having a make out party, with glitter and tom of finland posters, on our back porch sometime soon. Wouldn’t that be fun!


Stomach hurts! January 17, 2011

Everyone who lives at our house, or who had visited our house, got some stomach bug, one after the other, last week. I got off pretty easy and was only vomiting for one night, but now I have this bucket of vomit in the attic and I don’t know what to do with it. The longer I leave it, the more disgusting it seems that I have a bucket of vomit in my room.

I really wish I had dealt with it, right after I was done vomiting, it seemed much less awful then. I recently smelled the bucket of vomit and it was surprisingly odor free, which is good, but makes no sense to me. I guess kind of in the same way that sharps containers should smell disgusting, but don’t actually. I am tempted to take a picture of the bucket of vomit, but part of me thinks that people would find that disgusting.


Meet the dogs!

Jeremy and I have two dogs in our life now! They are so much fun!

This is Kortez, who is a greyhound, who is GIANT. He can eat stuff from off our counters, without actually jumping up at all. It’s amazing. It’s hard to pet him though, because it is impossible to ever read any of his emotions.

One thing I have actually learned though, is that greyhound are actually really, really fast. Its fun to watch him run around with Fritz.

This is Fritz! He has farts that can peel paint off walls and is constantly excited about everything. Or at least, appears to be excited. His hair is really stiff, or something, so it makes me itch where ever it touches me. But totally worth it.

Both of the dogs LOVE to cuddle, which is amazing. Whenever I am home alone and just hanging out with them, wherever I walk in the house Fritz is always in front of me and Kortez is always behind.

This is all. I just wanted you to meet them so you A) would want to come over to our house to meet them B) so you knew who I was talking about when I speak of the dogs, constantly.


Zoo smells! January 8, 2011

As a kid, my dad would always drive me by the zoo and say “Do you smell it! There are the zoo smells, we are close!” and it would always really excite me. Mmm zoo smells.

On an only somewhat unrelated note, my bed currently smells like cute boy, which is always pleasant. Except tonight I know it is just going to smell like cute boy and won’t actually have a cute boy in it, so that’s kind of sad.

Oh and on a *completely* related note, apparently their is very, very minimal sound proofing between my floor, which happens to be the ceiling of the rest of the house. I also know for a fact that their is minimal sound proofing between our floor and the neighbors ceiling. Which basically means if one person is having sex, anywhere in the house, everyone knows.

I kind of really like that.