The Tortoise and The Bear!

Follow us on our mostly frustrating adventures

Our insane neighbors, Pt. 2 February 4, 2011

Look down two posts and read about our insane downstairs neighbors.

The DAY after she called us faggots, our pipes froze and flooded their house. If I believed in karma, I might blame this on that…

I confronted our neighbor about calling us faggots and she OF CORSE denied it. I mean, really, I don’t care if you call me a faggot. Well, that is kind of a lie, BUT AT LEAST BE ABLE TO CALL ME A FAGGOT TO MY FACE. Don’t do it when I am playing DDR, or walking down the street, or do it by yelling at my house. Stop me, look me in the face and call me a fag. What, are you worried that I am going to hit you? Please? Worst thing I will do is cut myself and spray you with my filthy faggot blood.

We talked to our landlords about the dogs, our new roomate and our neighbors and they are so fucking amazing. They thought it would be a good idea to print off Tom of Finland posters and hang them on our porch. Go ahead and google Tom of Finland, I will wait here for you to return.




Would that not be amazing? Anyway, long story short, don’t fuck with us ever and our landlords are absolultly amazing.

It’s snowing right now, I wish I was dead. This is all.


More insane neighbors! February 1, 2011

Why can’t we have non-insane neighbors?
We had this couple move in below us and we have been really nice to them. Sometimes we chat and I was pretty sure we had an okay relationship with them. If nothing else we never called the cops on them, when they fight and wake me up at 2 in the morning (which happened a couple times a week, when I lived in my room).

But apparently they yelled at Fritz, Cashs dog and Fritz growled at her and then ran upstairs to Cash. She said she was going to shoot Fritz, which she would clearly never do, but still that is an insane thing to say. Apparently last night when Cash was in his room, she yelled up to our house “I don’t know who the fuck they think they are, what I do know is they are a bunch of fags” … “faggity, faggy fags, they are not gunna have a dog much longer”.

Now, I have not seen the neighbors yet, after this, but I am REALLY EXCITED to. We talked to the landlords today and they are fine with Cash and the dog living with us. I told them we might have to get on their front porch and really show them what a faggot looks like. They seemed to think that would be a good idea.

So we might be having a make out party, with glitter and tom of finland posters, on our back porch sometime soon. Wouldn’t that be fun!


Our Neighbor! January 25, 2011

Recently, we have had a couple nice days of weather, which has been amazing. But the down side is, that it has brought our neighbor back out, which makes it REALLY hard to pretend that he died an awful, horrible and painful death. When it is cold he never comes out of his shanty and we could only sometimes hear him coughing, which made it easy to pretend he was dying (dieing?). But no, we will have to deal with him another spring/summer/fall cycle.

If you are new to our lives, than maybe you don’t know anything about our neighbor!

It would take too long to tell you all of the stories that I have, but here is a recap.

We live next to an insane, Vietnam Vet, ex Hells Angel old as shit man who likes to hang stuffed animals from his back porch via nooses. He built a “garden” in his back yard, which consists literally of nothing but rocks. He claims that this summer, he will grow water melons. We have talked about just buying water melons from the store and just putting them in his garden, which might be hilarious. He can be frequently be found watering his patch of gravel, the road and sometimes sprays some water at a tree. He once accused me of stealing 2 liters of soda from him and being a pedophile. He also thinks that Jeremy and I are going to hell, which is certianly true. He has a cat, which is sometimes lets out of his shanty, but ONLY ON A LEASH. Also, the leash has a, can you guess? A noose tied on the end of it (he really, really loves nooses). He claims to love his cat, but I have seen him spray it with the hose many times and pick the cat up by it’s collar only and throw it in the house.

He is a general bad person, this is all you need to know.