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Things that make me cry January 21, 2011

Filed under: Body fluids/solids,Jeremy Post,My Mother — Jeremy! @ 5:29 pm
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At some point in my life, I’ve gone from a rough-and-tumble faux-macho child/teenager, to whimpering, crying and bawling at the drop of a hat. Not in the pain sense, or the depression sense, but watching TV (occasionally) will do it, and movies are very good at it, regardless of the subject. Even songs have that effect on me.

I’m fairly certain it’s for all the hell I gave my mother as a kid. She is a famous movie-crier; Space Jam is my favorite one to reference, although Air Bud seemed funny at the time. Why did I have to insistently make fun of her for it? And why did she not tell me what the word “karma” meant at an earlier age?

To bring things full circle, I assume that you’ll want a couple recent movies that made me cry, that probably wouldn’t affect your average citizen like that. Fine: WALL-E, The Black Swan (only a couple tears!), Step Up 3-D, Brokeback Mountain (of course. I was an absolute sobbing wreck the entire second half. I could barely see), every time I watch Rent (the movie)… Actually, speaking of theater, I was the same way during Wicked – both at the end of the first act and the second act. I stood in line at intermission all puffy-faced, waiting on the restroom in a huge line of unaffected men. Avenue Q, I was so proud of myself for making it to the end, then some asshole friend of one of the actors had one of the puppets present a ring to his girlfriend and he proposed to her in front of the whole audience. I cried, of course.

Actually, marriages really get to me, also. I realized when I absolutely crumpled during The Office,

 [SPOILER ALERT, if you are several seasons behind]when Jim proposed to Pam, and then later at their wedding. [/SPOILER]

It has made it clear to me that if I ever enter into any sort of marriage-like agreement with someone else, they will have to be the one to propose to me, because I’ll never be able to do it without crying. Hint: don’t do it anywhere there are newscameras or a YouTube video shot in progress or anything. I don’t need that on the internet.  The same goes for the ceremony. I might have to craft a body-double and just watch via a live camera feed, because I feel like it’d be terrible for decorum to have my mascara running everywhere. Alternatively, I guess that’s the one practical purpose of a veil; by the time it’s lifted, my husband would be screwed if he wanted to take it back at the sight of my zebra-striped mascara face. (I like to think that when I cry, I look just like women in movies. I’m sure it’s not actually as beautiful)

I should  also be glad I’ve finished graduating schools for the moment, because I definitely cried at my high school graduation (rehearsal, no less), and also at my college graduation (I managed to make it through the obligatory post-walk photo first, though.

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Why Penelope is a fuddy-duddy January 7, 2011

Filed under: Jeremy Post,My Mother — Jeremy! @ 5:42 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

I realized today that Penelope might not actually be human. I think her grandma may have been half-platypus, or something, because Penelope possesses one very importantly inhuman trait: she hates surprises.

Oh, she loves presents, and parties, and gifts, and adventures. But you’d damn well tell her what it is ahead of time.

That’s why I’m partially so excited about having a blog to where I can announce “hay y’all, I got a surprise for her today!” without having to say it directly to her, that way I can avoid potential retribution. You see, one day, I bought Penelope a present, and didn’t disclose its contents. She decided to get me a surprise too. That surprise was a half-full bucket of fermenting apple cider and pulp. In my bed. (to be fair, I noticed it before I knocked it over.)

Unfortunately, this may partially be my fault; you see, I’m worried that in her mind, “surprise” may correlate with “prank”, at least to some degree. For instance, the last present I bought her was for Christmas, while she was out of town. I went to the restaurant supply store and bought a fabulous (heavy!) 20 quart stock pot, to honor our agreement that we’d only buy gifts for the house. I wrapped it, and put it under the tree.

Except I may have happened to grab a dozen or more other boxes from around the house and wrap those too. There were two actual presents in that pile, the pot and the lid for that pot. This is partially in retaliation for last year, when I got a bunch of small things, put them in a box, and numbered them 1-6, but skipped a number in between. She didn’t even look at the numbers, and didn’t even catch the joke. This year, I had to really go all out.

Here’s a video, as well.

So, you can see that at least she took THIS one in stride. Maybe it reminded her of her mother.

 

Church!

It’s really weird how much time I spend in churches. I mean, if I was a religious person, then the time that I spend in churches would be described as “minimal” at best.

But I’ve been a atheist my entire life, but I still find myself in churches, often alone, which creeps me out a lot. I have had this fear of religious statues for a long time, mostly that they will start crying blood, which would not be okay at all.

Anyway, working with any sort of organization in this town basically guarantees that I will have to spend a lot of time in churches. I used to do a lot (a whole fucking lot) of work with The Center for Artistic Revolution and I was CONSTANTLY in that fucking church. I now I am doing stuff with Living With, Affected By and am there, by my self, for a couple of hours a week.

As far as churches go, this one isn’t really that creepy. Mostly just really cold. ALSO, IT DOES NOT HAVE ANY INTERNET. Which basically means I am getting a lot of reading done.

On a completely related note, Fried Green Tomatos is a really good book. My mother (of all people) has talked about that book for my entire life, which is weird. After reading the book, I have to wonder if she really understood most of what went on, in that book.

Cash is almost moved in! Another person in the house will be really exciting!